The Heart of the Matter

For the past 3 days I spent my time here....

Not exactly what I had planned for a Tuesday morning, but nevertheless, I had to let go of my control and listen to my body.

On the way to work, I began having chest pains. Now, I have had this pain before, but never like I had it on Tuesday. So, I went to my office and the pain continued...and I felt really, really bad. I had my co-worker drive me to the hospital emergency room.

I walked in, filled out the paperwork for chest pain and the fun began. I was hooked up to a heart monitor, given nitroglycerin, atavan (anti-anxiety medication) and laid in the bed..waiting. After a while, my pain subsided and I felt better. The doctor came in, reviewed everything and said, "I think we will keep you overnight and run some tests..." I thought, "Don't you know I am busy? I have no time for this!"

So, needless to say, I spent 3 days in the hospital and had numerous tests all to find out that my heart needed a break. (well, that is not the official diagnosis, but it is my own for myself) My heart is OK, but needs to see the cardiologist for follow up care.

I had a good time to reflect and to listen to my body - it needed to rest. I have been going 110% for a long time and I know that I need to slow down. This was my body's way of saying, "Hey, I need a break. You are NOT Wonder Woman!"

Interesting how this all came to be for me. I have just started my 600 hours of student therapy to graduate and I have 2 jobs, 2 kids, 3 dogs, housework, a new church calling and a husband I pay attention to on occasion.... (he got my full attention in the hospital as he sat with me every day - his boss banned him from working while I was sick) I have known for a long time that my health was slipping, that my body was tired, that I feel worn out a lot, I don't sleep enough, but I kept telling myself that it is only until July 09.... Guess my body thought 9/08 was time to stop for a moment.

So today, I am busy making follow up doctor appointments, resting, wearing pajamas at 11:31 pm and taking it easy. I am also banned from my job until Monday. Nice, actually, not to have to do something today. First day in a long time.

I am thankful to my body and to God who allowed me to understand what I need to do for me while I rested for 3 days in Desert Springs. I am thankful for a husband who still loves me despite my busy life and lack of time for him. I am thankful for 2 boys whose faces told the fear that their voices would not say when they saw me in the bed with contraptions hooked up to me. They need me and I need them. So, I'll stick around a while longer, take better care of my heart and my body and remember that the beach is only 4 hours away.