V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!

We are leaving in the morning for a short Spring Break vacation. I am the last one up...finishing laundry, doing a few last minute things and basically enjoying the quiet of a sleeping home. Sometimes, it is just nice to have time alone and today I had none of that. I felt like no one was helping and then when I got in a "mood," I was the one who was asked, "what is your problem, mom...?" (teens are great and so honest) This comment made me even madder, but at the same time, reminded me to settle down and let go of my need to have help. I just got stuff done and when the boys saw what I was doing, they were quietly guilted in to doing what they knew they needed to do, too. I so do not like this part of my personality - the explode and sulk me. Not pretty and not fun to apologize later on. I wish I would just relax and be OK with life....and often I am, but not today. But, I am what I am and I work everyday to be better, just today, I fell short. BUT tomorrow - I will be on the beach and I will relax, exhale and enjoy my family.... I will post pictures and vacation stuff when I get home in a few days. SOUTHERN CALI...here we come!

Gratitude

My handsome husband, Wayne and me, Santa Monica Pier - Summer 2006 I spoke in my church last Sunday (3/18/07) and it was a great experience for me....so I thought I would share it here. Enjoy! --- Gratitude --- In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. I THESSALONIANS 5:18 Over the past year, I have made a conscious effort to recognize things in my life that for which I have deep gratitude. This effort came out of a desire to change my attitude about life. I wanted to be more positive and to have more joy in my life. I was happy, but to me, happiness masks fears, covers them up for a time, but they are there, just under the surface. I had spent many, many years with fear in my life and I was ready to give it all away. To me, living with Joy is the absence of fear. Joy is the reason we are here – the ultimate goal. The more I spent time with the idea of having joy in my life, the more it became apparent that I must have gratitude for ALL things in my life; the good and the bad. When I was in theMTC I remembered hearing someone say that we needed to have “an attitude of Gratitude.” This quote stayed in my mind for the past 20 years for a reason. I have realized that nothing new can come into your life unless you are grateful for what you already have. So, I started to appreciate what there was, in the here and now instead of always wanting something else and something more. I have asked Father often for help to figure all of this out. During this time of wanting to have more joy in my life, I met Becca Levie –“Living on Purpose” - Talk about Becca She inspired gratitude in me from the moment our eyes met. (see http://www.beccalevie.com ) Gratitude is also a form of grammar. To learn the grammar of gratitude, practice saying "thank you" for happy and challenging experiences, for people, animals, things, art, memories, dreams. Count your blessings, and praise God. Utter blessings, and express your appreciation to everything and everyone you encounter. By blessing others, we are blessed. I want to share with you one of the things I decided to do to help me have more Gratitude in my life. I began by keeping a Gratitude Journal Bought a note book – carried it with me - Encourage others to keep such a note book Things that could be written out of gratitude could include: The kindness of strangers Holding your child in your arms Boundless imagination Delighting in other people’s children Feeling the presence of the Spirit Following my intuition and being thrilled that I did Daydreaming Answers to prayers Watching the sunset Meeting a kindred spirit Having a Nap Being able to trust another human being Realizing that there are no coincidences Laughing so hard that my sides hurt The first bite of banana pudding Reading a book that changes your life Another thing I have consistently done was to ask in prayer to find learning opportunities and to help me have gratitude through these experiences. And Father blesses me often when I pay attention to what life is handing me. A few weeks ago, I had the once in a life time opportunity to see one of my “Sheros” in person as I went to hear the poet Maya Angelou speak. She spoke about finding “The Rainbows in the Clouds.” How we need to find the gratitude in even the most miserable of life’s situations. She spoke of how we need to look at things differently, to laugh more and to have joy for life is short. Once again, an amazing learning opportunity. I have an example of changing my attitude about a small thing in my life and I share this with deep love for my husband. Sock rolls – For many years, he has left socks rolled up in the laundry, seemingly not giving thought to the laundry-doer (me) having to unroll them. So, one day, I was grumbling in my head about his socks when it occurred to me that his feet go in to these socks everyday – that these are the feet that carry him to work to provide for out family, that these are the feet that I love to touch with my feet before falling asleep each night, so I started being thankful for his rolled up socks. His socks are still rolled up in the laundry, but now, my attitude about them has changed to an attitude filled with gratitude, and I don’t care if the socks are in a ball anymore, because they held his feet. This is a small example of how having an attitude of gratitude can change how you feel about a situation or a person.... without gratitude, I still would grumble about socks. In order to have complete gratitude, you MUST change the way you look at life. But what about the things in our lives that are just so painful, so terrifying, so full of injury that we just can not have any gratitude for them? What then? It is pretty easy to be grateful when life hums along smoothly. But I believe that gratitude holds us together even when we’re falling apart. Ironically, gratitude’s most powerful mysteries are often revealed when we are struggling in the midst of personal turmoil. When we stumble in the darkness, rage in anger, hurl our faith across the room, and abandon all hope. When we are busy crying ourselves to sleep, gratitude waits patiently to console and reassure us: there is a landscape larger than the one we can see. At these times, I have gone back in time, to the experience of being on the Church History trip and our first stop was to visit the Liberty Jail. There, seeing for myself, what that was like for our prophet, Joseph Smith changed me. This was a profound moment for me. A real “AH HA” moment. Turn with me to D & C 122:7 (this is the "and all this shall give thee experience" scripture...look it up) I knew at that time that there was a lesson in all of my past injuries and pain, and I knew that there always will be a lesson for me in all difficulties I would face in life. I often have spent time with this question - What is the lesson I am to learn? I have had injury in my life, as we all have. At this point in time, I have faced much of it, but from time to time, it comes back to haunt my sleep or as an insecurity or as a fear....at these times, I ask it, “What is it that I am to learn?” And invariably, there is a great lesson. Heavenly Father puts people in our lives that we are to learn from. And often, these great lessons come from these people. Interestingly enough, when the Bishop called me to speak today, I had just come from a 3 hour conversation with a dear friend. This conversation had left me physically spent; weary from deep emotion and not having too much gratitude. I was on I-15 stuck in traffic and said out loud to Father – “OK, I am feeling really alone, and I need you to help me and hold me now.” Then, not 10 minutes later my cell phone rings, “Hello Janet...this is the Bishop. Will you please speak on Sunday?” Immediately my heart’s attitude changed and I thought, “And this shall give thee experience...” For me, the lesson that has come from my own past injury has been inspired of God, as I would have never chosen if for myself. I feel inspired to share this lesson here, but feel some apprehension in doing so.... About 5 years ago I was in the midst of great personal turmoil, but I felt impressed through prayer and reading of my patriarchal blessing that I needed to complete my college education. I thought this was absolutely ludicrous as I would be the big 4-0 once I was finished. But, I started, one class at a time, and through this experience, I began to see that I was pretty smart and that God had given me the gift of intelligence. I can’t tell you what this did for my self esteem. I soared and excelled. During this time, I changed fields of employment and began in the helping field. I was blessed to have a very sacred obligation to help people at a major time of crisis. It took me out of my own misery and helped my heart heal in ways I never knew possible. As graduation time got closer, I started feeling impressed by the spirit to do more with education. I informed Heavenly Father that I was now 40 and well past the age of starting a whole new career, but I found myself signed up and in Graduate school 1 month after completing my Bachelor degree. Heavenly Father has shown me through the spirit and through life that I am to be a Marriage and Family Therapist so that I will be in a position to help other’s build and strengthen their lives and relationships. I have no idea how this will work out, but I am flying on faith and having gratitude daily that I get to have these experiences. When life gives you bittersweet chocolate, add sugar and make brownies. (I don’t’ like lemon aide.) Or – God has a plan for me (YOU TOO) and He will be there! I share this because I felt impressed that Heavenly Father wants us as His children to have more gratitude. To let our hearts sing to Him and to thank Him for all he has given us and to listen when He reaches out to us in a Sunset or in a smile or in rolled up socks. My lesson in returning to school brought deeper thinking into my life. Deeper thinking brought wanting more joy and wanting more joy brought me to Gratitude. And Gratitude has brought me unimaginable peace and love. And if you ask me if I would go back and trade all the hard, horrific things that I have lived through to get to this point, I would say, emphatically – NO – I have too much gratitude for the great lessons about patience, endurance, self-love, living for the experience of having joy and many more that have come from my personal sorrow. This has not been an easy path to walk. It has not always been pleasant. I have gone to my own ‘Liberty Jail’ and prayed my own prayer of pain to Father, and He has answered me with more love and abundance than I could have ever expected. LDS singer Hillary weeks has a line in a song that says, “every day that I walk on this earth, the more and more I learn of your (God’s) goodness, of His plan, who I am and where I fit in...” I think this is indicative of having gratitude; we get to learn about ourselves. If you find yourself in a place of sorrow and injury and challenges, turn to God, let Him hold you. Let Him be the one to guide your heart’s healing. It is possible and if you don’t think it is, please know this is from my heart when I say – Anything is possible with love, time and gratitude for God’s blessings – and even His blessings of sorrow. I’m in an amazing heart space because I found gratitude. Let Him who knows your heart best guide you along your path.

A bunch of questions...and answers!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 5:30 – Seminary driving 2. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Music and Lyrics 3. What is your favorite TV show? Desperate Housewives, Medium, Amazing Race and anything on Food Network 4. What do you usually have for breakfast? Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal 5. Favorite sandwich? Monte Cristo 6. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Ireland 7. Favorite sport to watch? NFL Football – INDIANAPOLIS COLTS! 8. Favorite saying? “Courage is the ability to walk through fear with Faith!”9. Are you a morning person or a night person? Depends on the day10. What is your shoe size? 9.5 11. Pets? Yes – beautiful girl beagle, 1 old-soul beagle, 1 cute puggle and a goofy cat12. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I have a 4.0 GPA in Graduate School 13. What did you want to be when you were little? Older and invisible 14. How are you today? I rock! 15. What is your favorite candy? Pringles ( I don’t really eat candy...) 16. What is your favorite flower? Gardenias 17. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? May 2009 when I graduate from Graduate School as a Marriage and Family Therapist 18. Do you wish on stars? Yes 19. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Green 20. How is the weather right now? Sorta hot, but amazingly beautiful 21. Favorite soft drink? DR. PEPPER 22. Favorite restaurant? A new one – The Grotto in the Golden Nugget hotel 23. Hair color? Blond 24. Favorite day of the year? Everyday 25. What was your favorite toy as a child? My brother’s toys and my cat 26. Summer or winter? Summer 27. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate 28. Favorite smell? RAIN and the Beach / Ocean 29. Plain, buttered, or salted Popcorn? Both – butter and salt 30. What are you most looking forward to? When I am completely finished going to class every week 31. What is your occupation? Differential Response working with families 32. What are you listening to right now? News 3 33. What was the last thing that you ate? Chai Crème Frapaccino 34. Can you drive a stick shift? Yep 35. The last person you spoke to on the phone? My handsome husband, Wayne 36. What was the last book you read? Currently reading Whitethorn Woods and just read A Brief Therapy 37. Hugs or kisses? Hugs from kids and close friends, and kisses from my husband 38. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries 39. When was the last time you cried? Last time I saw Dreamgirls 40. What did you do last night? Studied and read until Midnight 41. What inspires you? People who just ‘keep on keeping on...’ despite tremendous odds against them – the human spirit is AMAZING to me. 42. How many years at your current job? 1 ( but I’ve been a mom for 15) 43. Favorite day of the week? Sunday – and the afternoon nap that it brings 44. How many states have you lived in? 2 45. Favorite holidays? Christmas and Easter 46. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? No, but I have jumped out a plane 2 times

LOVE

This is a picture of water that was frozen while being sent love...isn't it beautiful?

See the book - Hidden Messages in Water by Masaru Emoto http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Messages-Water-Masaru-Emoto/dp/1582701148 Love is the most important emotion. It encompasses all other emotions, or the opposite of those emotions. For example, Love and Anger are opposite, but you don't know what anger is unless you have experienced love - same goes for hate, and depression, and fear and all the other supposed 'bad' or 'unwanted' emotions. Love is the start of all else in life. It is what we feel for our mothers when we are in the womb, it is the thing we need to thrive as infants, and it is the one feeling we seek after most of our lives. We are able to give it in abundance and also we are able to take it away when we are in the place of anger. I marvel often at my ability to love my children unconditionally - even though they are now teenagers. Also, I marvel at how much my husband loves me unconditionally - even when I was in college algebra and hating every moment of homework. He would sit, patiently, and help me until I 'got it...' Now folks, that is true love. I marvel at my capacity to love him and how much I crave being near him, even if we are just both reading or watching TV. It is nice to be in love. I also marvel at how much I have learned to love human beings. We all have our own 'stuff' or 'baggage' that we carry around and as I work with families and with people in general, I truly do feel love for them. I believe this love is the love that Heavenly Father has for me, that I have accepted with gratitude and in turn, the love I share through my work with others. I do not get impatient with them, because I truly do love them for what they are --- children of God. And all this came about because I know God loves me and because I love myself..... It is pretty simple when you think about it. Who do you love?

tree of life pendant

I wear a necklace with a beautiful tree and guiding star. I have had many people, some I know, some I do not know ask or comment about it and so, I thought I would write a few words as to the 'why' and 'what' it means to me. When I was a little girl, 7 or 8 years of age, I had a beautiful mulberry tree in the front yard of my house. My dad built a tree house in it and it was painted turquoise (it was the 70's after all...) and I LOVED that place. I even named the tree sara and I spent hours up there, with my cat and with books and with my imagination. Later on, when things in my young life became increasingly scary and difficult, I would often retreat to my tree house - pretending to be on a boat sailing away to a far away land - always with my cat - and always with books. I just knew that if I could sail away in this beautiful tree house that I would be safe and I would be cared for by the sara tree. Well, here I am, at 41, still loving that tree, still loving a cat, still loving books and using my mind to create marvelous thoughts. The house I grew up in is now owned by others and they removed the tree, but to me, it is still in my heart. I see her (my tree) as a strong and safe place to be - even now - I will often touch my pendant just to reassure myself that I am safe and I am loved - now, that safety and love comes from my own self, for myself. I know I am loved by God, by my husband, by my children, and by my extended family and friends, but for me, self-love was the toughest and most sought after love of all --- now this love for myself is unconditional and it is given in quantities that I often marvel I am able to produce. I always remember my safe place in my turquoise tree house, supported by my mulberry tree named sara. God works miracles everyday, and for a little girl escaping hurt, that tree was and still is my miracle.